Some years ago, I met a fellow mother at summer swim lessons. She stood out to me, but first I couldn’t pinpoint why. Then, it came to me. As other parents laid out their chairs and towels poolside, settling in to 30 min of relative peace as their child participated in one of the many groups learning to swim that afternoon, I could hear her give specific, step-by-step instructions and tons of reassurance to her children. “I will walk you to your teacher. I can’t go in with you this time. Your teacher will teach you. Yes, I see they have the blue kick board out. You did so good last time. So brave!” For a moment, one of her children started to protest. She replied clearly and kindly, “You will be in the water for 30 minutes . I will be sitting right here, and I’ll be able to see you. You can do this”. After the class began, she set her chair next to mine. “What group is your child in? My two are in the yellow group. This is the fifth session we’ve done, and I hope they will want to get their faces wet this time. They both have autism…”. She continued, “We can be a lot, you know. We don’t just go do something. We have to plan out as much as we can so my boys can feel successful. Even then, sometimes it still falls apart. We are a lot.”
This is only one of many, many stories of families who have been told by the world, in one way or another, that they are too much. What if church was a place where families knew they weren’t too much, that they were seen, known, and loved? What if church became a soft place to land one day?
Moving from one day to day one will not happen for your church overnight, but with some thoughtfulness, planning, and intentional communication, it can become a place where families impacted by disability feel seen and known.
This is the first step toward creating a soft place to land, and it is also one of the most arduous. Many stop before they even start. The truth is, it is difficult to welcome folks if you are unable to reflect on the current culture of your church. Clearly identify any spoken and unspoken expectations regarding what it means for one to participate in the life of the church. Then die to those expectations. Expectations have a way of “othering” people, particularly those who act or think differently than “the norm”. The church has a habit of sending both overt and covert messaging regarding who is in and who is out. Thoughtfully discern what it might take to welcome those from the margins to the fuller body of the church, families with disabilities included. Then, some humble and intentional steps toward redefining expectations of what it means to be part of the body of the church.
After some discernment and culture reflection has occurred, begin making a plan for your church to be a soft place to land for families with disabilities. What this looks like will entirely depend on your particular church and community context, but it may look like recruiting and training volunteers to support children with disabilities, identifying specific small groups families with disabilities may enjoy participating in (and providing support for them), rearranging Sunday school classroom furniture to create sensory and/or quiet spaces, or retooling Sunday school curriculum to better engage all participants. Most importantly, as you are creating a plan, be sure to have input from the disability community to better ensure that the supports your church is providing are the supports individuals and families with disabilities need and want.
Finally, creating soft spaces to land involves communicating your plan to individuals, families, volunteers, church staff, and your congregation. Be honest about any limitations you may have and communicate what types of support are available for individuals and families. Additionally, just because you have a support plan in place does not mean you stop listening to your constituents. Continue listening to individuals, families, volunteers, etc. and adjust the plan as necessary. Be sure to communicate any adjustments as they arise.
With some humble self-reflection, thoughtful planning, and intentional communication, churches can become soft places to land for families who often feel like their presence is “a lot”.
